hate....change it to love....

days after days i wonder '' do i really hate my life?'' i have friend who care for me , i have a strong and healthy family..... so y do i always say i hate my life? is it coz i fail at a test? i think i look ugly? ..... maybe is coz other people life look so much better den mine.... [haizz] i always have a positive mindset but when my friend dun i try to change them ... so y do i still always hate my life..... maybe is time for me to start loving my life no matter how hard it gt i will stand up and FACE IT ! haha y so serious! be happy and smile that is how i wan to live my life!   so let's start from the begging ...

hi my name is kaixuan aka eileen, i am a 15 yr old girl and i love myself and my life and everyone who is there by my side!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lastly ...

SMILE YOU HAVE NOTHING TO FEAR!

dreams~

haizz been a few day arldy and i can say that i am finally recover from that darkness ....... my heart now is feel with youngmin , jonghyun , yoseob , g- dragon and RUNNING MAN ! haha i really wish one day i can be on stage doing the same thing as by 4 lovely oppa is doing right now and appear on running man haha!  and hopefully become youngmin oppa girlfriend haha jkjk ;p really thinking about it one day i will be on stage with thousand of fans looking and cheering at me , my 1 of my BTF member told me that she had a dream about us on stage with thousand of fan and we said '' annyeonghaseyo, we are spark! " haha maybe in the future you will hear a group name spark on tv haha! hopefully that dream is true hehe we are all working hard  on that dream hopefully our hardwork pay off .

me and my sis haha randome!

 bye !
fluffymeow xoxo

good bye~

so you like someone ? stead with her but broke up.... but u still have feeling for her ok...done that all i need to know .... i am no match for her , she is smart i am just a dumb girl ....but i want to thank her i dk if she is the one who break with you or not but she hurt your feeling the same way u did to mine.... for 1 year you are alway in my heart i alway think about you ... but i guess u are not your caring words are all a lie... your sweetness are just some sourness , your kindness is just your trick and i fall for it ... but no more u like her go on ahead i am going to stop chasing ....u have rumor in your class about another girl wow *clap* playboy much....everything about you is a lie your life is fill with lies . you are gone now... the only thing i care about is my friend , family , myself and my dream ... time to stop chasing you and start chasing my dream dun worry i wouldn't do anything to harm you or make you regret just remember this ' u once hurt me and it will be the last time you see me smile or laugh at your joke coz u know it yourself that every single person i am the only who smile and laugh at your joke, people are  talking about bad thing behind your back and only i know '
keep that in mind .. i dun hate you :) one more thing i donnt wan to hear and see you playing with my feeling again .... hope you are happy that little kitten who love you has finally given up she dun need to impress you any longer .... now you are the one impressing that kitten who dun even look at you ... you ignore me avoid me now is my turn .... you treat me that way i will treat you back easy and simple hope you are happy ~

goodbye , farewell and goodluck

bye guanghao~

the sadness behind my smile....

hi.. feeling unhappy again.. u know sometime my friend always say i very cheerful always smiling... ya that's true but behind those smile is a tears, sadness, unhappy, hopeless, darkness... i always hid those behind that smile coz i dun wan them to know , i dun wan to put those thing on them . i always thought i can handle it and say ' im nt scare..' when i really am ... he toke away the light .. he ran away with the flash light , lock me in a dark room and toke the key.... im lost again....no one to guide me no one to take my hand .. no one to hug me .....no one can hear  me ...no one know the other me is crying ..... in pain ... and the other me stop believing ....... the other me is trying to break through the door im trying my best to hold on to it so i wouldn't show it . will u come back ? unlock the door , hold on to my hand and hug me tightly again...and promise you will never leave me again... i dun think so...someday my smile wouldn't hold the sadness any longer someday it will have no more power and my sadness will come out ..............and no one can stop it ..someday i will have to say bye to this smile ....my heart is bloody ...... can you heal it ?

P.S. very depressing blog ....sorry ...
great look what i find after posting this blog

msg from him ... wish i could take more photo of it .........crying....

i (hate) you .......

hey... feeling kinda down right now... and i usually can cheer myself up but now..so i just went on twitter and i saw this tweet from a guy i love "it's alway you .^^" den i wan on instagram and i saw a girl who follow i check on her just to see if i can follow her back and i say 2 pic one with msg say "hi" and "♥" and he like it ..... i dk maybe i am just thinking to much ........can we go back the way we use to be? when u alway say goodnight and morning lazy pig to me? when you will cheer me up when i am sad? when i injury myself u msg me to reply u asap? when you say to me "hug hug"? ..........i guess not i just wan to know y r u avoiding me ? just tell me th e answer! is that simple... do you still like or even do u ever like me ? do u still care? do u still think about me? all those question simple question i just wan a ANSWER ....T_T i hate feeling hurt coz of u ..... i wan to meet w/ u again to watch you play basketball ... i wan to see you walking infront of me ...walking w/ me no matter where or when i go....soo many question soo many request but no answer......nt even YES or NO ... r u still single? do u like someone? ...............y? y? y? y?